This vicious cycle.....

I thought about leaving, about going out west and living somewhere in a log cabin and pretending to be a deaf and mute person, and maybe if I was lucky I would find a nice deaf, mute woman to marry. In the end though, I just could not do it. I decided I could not leave Phoebe behind and have her all upset about me leaving. I wanted her to stay home and go to school like a good kid, but me leaving would change that for her. So in the end I guess I stayed for her. After confronting me on the street and crying about me leaving her, I decided to let her skip school for the rest of the day and we went to the zoo. As I sat there watching her on the merry-go-round I thought of my future. Well sadly the future eventually becomes the present, and now next fall I am going to a new school. One that I will flunk out of, and then after that I will get yelled at for flunking by teachers and parents, and then I will consider running off away from everyone I know. But in the end I will never do it. I seem stuck to repeat everything in some sort of vicious cycle that has no end in sight if I continue the way I am. Holden onto hope that does not happen. The school I am going to has added a new system online where you can check your grades every day if you feel the need to. Maybe I can use this as motovation to do better. The grade website- www.my.monroeps.org I should end this blog, I need to focous on my work more than I have been. Maybe I can change things. Maybe. Sincerely, -Holden Caufield